Of Tiny Toes and Teardrops
by EEstelle
Summary: Married five years in secret and apparently pregnant, Riza isn't sure how to tell Roy. Or herself, to be honest. War, pain, and ruin hadn't brought the lieutenant or her colonel to tears, but their unborn child is enough to make her worry: does she really have what it takes to be a mom? Innocent Fluff/Hurt/Comfort. Royai baby One-shot. Post-FMAB


**A/N:** Hello! Hope you're all having a great day. :) Just fyi, I am fully aware that these guys probably wouldn't cry this much, and that I'm taking a few creative liberties with what happens to the characters following the show. I wrote this simply for the bliss/emotional therapy of seeing these two with a baby, however unrealistic the dream may be. Still, if you see anything that needs to be addressed, or have any questions, comments, or advice, I'd love to hear from you. Thanks and hope you enjoy it!

-Echo :)

 **Of Tiny Toes and Teardrops**

 _"I will not say do not weep, for not all tears are an evil."_

 _-J.R.R. Tolkien_

The unintelligible stream of white noise in her head was either a firecracker going off or a detonating explosive, but despite all her experience, Riza Hawkeye (also known by a small circle of trusted friends as Riza Mustang) didn't know which. Perched on the edge of the tub with the door bolted even though she was home alone, the woman wrapped her arms around her middle and tried not to be sick. Was the nausea going to be something she had to look forward to for the coming months or was it a reaction to the device she held in her hand, which glowed with a startling confirmation: _Pregnant._ Whether it was due to the myriad of emotions that now overtook her or from physical discomfort didn't really matter as the lieutenant broke one of her biggest rules and melted down, crying. It wasn't as if tears would help anything, and the fuhrer (her husband) really was useless when water was involved. But at this point, crying couldn't hurt anything worse than the oncoming firestorm.

Though she and Roy had been married five years now, it was a little known fact that their relationship had gone beyond devoted underling and high ranking military official. That was how they'd silently promised to keep it from the moment they'd first met, but as was all too common in Riza's life, things hadn't exactly gone as planned. It had been a strain holding off as long as they had, through the war, the Promised day, and the election that made her colonel into the nation's new political head, but as peace time crept in and flourished across Amestris, so, too, did the gentle ache to be something more.

It was a quiet wedding, with all of a few work friends, Black Hayate, and Madame Christmas in attendance, and held in secret to avoid questions. There were a few others they'd informed in subsequent years, including Edward and Winry Elric and their two children, (now three,) as well as Alphonse Elric when he, his wife, and infant son returned from Xing. That they had married at all was ill-advisable to begin with, and showing their hand to so many people was an invitation for disaster, but somehow, even the most talkative of their friends had managed to keep their mouths shut. But Riza wasn't a fool, and deep down she'd always known the truth would come out sooner or later. Honestly, she was surprised the barrier between politics and family life had been maintained this long.

That wasn't to say she'd expected it to crumble like this.

Of course pregnancy was a risk, even more so than marrying the love of her life who also happened to be her commander in chief. She wasn't so naive as to think their precautions would remain in check, not that she didn't want children. But that didn't change her shock at the reality that it had actually happened. Still, crying was stupid, and she had bigger things to worry about. One thing was certain- she'd be stepping down from her position, and they'd either have to come clean, or she'd have to go into hiding. No matter her excuse, her mere resignation would be a cause for media mayhem and suspicion.

But more importantly, she thought, pushing this worry away as she furiously wiped her eyes and leapt to her feet, was the question that caused her stomach to flip with a foreign brand of fear: _How can I protect this fragile, new life inside of me? And how am I supposed to tell the baby's father?_

After trying and failing to refresh herself at the sink, the lieutenant stripped down and hopped in the shower, letting the warm water flood over her and wipe away what little of the mental turmoil it could. Only once her hands resembled shriveled white prunes did she retrieve her towel and pad down the hall to her room. She was already dressed in her pajama pants and one of Roy's baggiest old t-shirts when she glanced at the clock to find it was only a little past eight in the evening, but she didn't care. She turned off the lights and curled beneath the sheets, her bronze eyes shining beneath the lunar glow that trickled through the sheer curtains.

She heard a click in the lock downstairs, followed by a prolonged creak and muffled footsteps. From his kennel, Black Hayate whined. A deep voice called Riza's name, growing louder as the speaker approached the stairwell. The woman couldn't find the will to break the silence by shouting, not when it had taken her this long to pacify the artillery that assaulted her mind. But as soon as the bedroom door cracked open and a dark head of hair peeked in, she called out quietly.

"I'm here, sir."

Mustang chuckled softly as he did a double-take, finally noticing the inch of her face visible amid the blankets with his flashing, obsidian eyes.

"No one here but me, Lieutenant. I thought titles were for work."

"With all respect, sir, you did just call me Lieutenant," she said, making no effort to extricate herself from her cocoon.

A smile quirked his lips as he settled on the edge of the bed, before he teased lightly; "At ease, soldier."

Pulling a white glove with a circular insignia on it from one hand, he reached over and lifted the blankets from her forehead, leaning down to bestow a gentle kiss to her hairline. Untangling one arm only, Riza placed her palm over his other hand, which dented the bed as his weight shifted.

"How was the extra paperwork?" she said finally, rubbing his knuckles in a methodical pattern until he captured her fingers and laced them through his. He sighed, trying not to picture the mound that still waited for him.

"Not as bad as yesterday."

"That good, huh?" said Riza, her insides throbbing as she sat, propping her back against the wooden headboard.

"You don't have to do that," Mustang insisted, but she shook her blonde head, which burned golden now that it was swathed in moonlight.

"It's not like I planned on going to bed yet," she said. "You can turn on the lights if you want."

He seemed to sense that there was something wrong by her tone, because he paused, studying her face searchingly. "I can leave early tonight if you need some time alone."

"No," she said, more adamantly than she'd meant to. "I mean…" She should say, " _I need to talk to you_ ," but what she said was, "You can stay, if you want."

"I can tell when something's bothering you, Riza."

 _Oh, yeah?_ Thought the sarcastic, irritable, too-pre-occupied-to-come-up-with-anything-helpful part of her psyche that she usually tried to ignore. But what she said was, "I know you can. But… I haven't decided how to say it yet."

With another prolonged scrutiny of her expression, his eyes straining somewhat in the dark, Mustang nodded and stood up. Though she wasn't one to ask favors and neediness was against her nature, she still felt a twinge at the thought that he was going to abandon her. To her relief, he turned before he got to the door, coming around to the far side of the bed and reclining beside her. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders, sticking a pillow behind him. For an eternity, they remained that way, her head resting on his chest as she nestled into him, his fingers combing through her damp hair.

"Roy?" she said finally. Might as well make the blow clean and quick. That had always been her style, anyway. "I'm pregnant."

When people said Mustang was a man of steel nerves and a stony disposition, she didn't think they'd meant he could actually moonlight as a statue. For a few long seconds of motionlessness she wondered if he was still breathing before she felt the heat radiating from his skin. When he spoke, the thickness in his voice was palpable as he managed, "You're… you're what?"

 _He wasn't really going to make her say it again, was he?_ Thought the unhelpful voice. "I'm pregnant, Roy. Sir, you're going to be a father."

She continued, "I don't know what we're going to tell people, but we don't have very long to figure it out. We might be able to contain some of the rumors if we move quickly. Unless you think it'd be better if-" she said hurriedly, trying not to let her emotions get the best of her, because while she could cry alone, she wasn't about to cry now. Not when she wasn't certain how he was taking this.

"When did you… how long have you...?" choked Mustang, cutting her off mid-sentence while turning her by the shoulders to face him. She half wondered if he was upset, but one look at his countenance told her a completely different story. She saw apprehension, which was simultaneously understandable and unexpected, as well as disbelief, which lingered in the creases between his eyebrows. But within his midnight orbs she sensed something new: wonderment. She'd never seen him this strangely exhilarated in her entire life.

"I haven't known long, if that's what you're wondering. I just found out a few minutes ago."

"Boy or girl?"

Riza laughed nervously. "You really don't know how this works, do you?"

Before she could say another word, he leaned in and kissed her. For the waves of solar energy he seemed to be exhuming, the contact was surprisingly gentle as he wrapped her in his strong arms.

"Aren't you worried at all?" she whispered. He buried his face in her neck, his deep tone reverberating.

"We'll have to figure it out together... Tomorrow."

Roy stayed later that night than usual. To avoid the rumors and uproar from intergovernmental fraternization, they hadn't had much choice but to keep their separate residences and leave each other before the sun was up. But this once, they'd just have to come up with another excuse, though it was still fairly early. As Mustang climbed out of bed, rubbing sleep from his eyes and attempting to tame the unruly nap of his hair, he heard a quiet voice.

"I can't be a mom."

The shocking truth of the previous night reigniting within him, the man looked at his wife, who was once again curled in a ball. Lying back down, he pulled her into a snug embrace, breathing warm air into her ear.

"After all you've done for so many people, I know you'll be an incredible mother."

"I'm serious, sir," she said.

"Are we back to formalities already? So was I."

She rolled over to face him, taking his chin in her hands and fighting down the nausea she felt at the sudden movement.

"All I've ever done is kill people. I've seen toddlers murdered in cold blood and I've massacred their families." A lump rose in her throat. "I have no business taking care of a child."

Pain settled over his dreamy expression as he watched her, her cheeks tinted pink where they'd been pressed to her pillow, the ashen pre-dawn sunlight glimmering in her irises. It was hard enough for him to live with the blood on his hands, and he knew the guilt was at least as excruciating for her. Studying her pleading expression, he understood that the pain would become almost unbearable if she saw those children's faces when she stared at her own little one.

 _I've killed people…_ Roy's honesty was part of what she loved about him, but Riza wished his response wasn't the truth as he softly spoke. "I know."

"But you've also protected them," he atoned. "There are good people alive today because of you."

"But, sir-"

"You don't know how it works, do you?" he said, echoing her words from the night before. "Without you, our child wouldn't have a world to come into. We've had to make sacrifices, but this baby is going to be born into a place free of the hell we've been through. Whatever sins we've committed, we did because we believed there are causes worth fighting for."

Without her permission, a tear slid from her eye, which she reached up and swatted away. Damn these stupid hormones! Maybe she had an excuse this time, but after all these years, she wasn't about to break down for this. Not when her husband faced her with such conviction and certainly not now.

"Riza-" he reached up tenderly.

"No, stop it. You're useless around water."

He chuckled, smirking slightly. "You know, I've never seen you like this before."

"Yeah, well, get used to it," she said, her lips quirking despite her best efforts to scowl, and acting much more herself. Mustang sat up, gently resting his palm on her stomach.

"That's my lieutenant."

XXX

Nine months had never seemed longer. It had been bad enough when she'd had to step down from her post and when the media firestorm had rained down on them, but all things considered, they'd made it out relatively unscathed. The nausea, cramps, and sleepless nights weren't nearly as horrible as they could have been, though she supposed she could chalk that up to military preparation. The cravings were new, but that was a small price to pay, though Roy often asked if she was sure it was his daughter that had such poor taste. But it was the bed rest that nearly killed her. She wasn't accustomed to so much sitting around, but orders were orders. If it wasn't for the steady stream of visitors that came while Mustang dealt with the politics of his job, she was certain she'd have gone insane. Then again, the constant doting was almost worse. The more rotund she grew, the more she talked to her stomach, begging the squirming infant to save her and be born already.

But of course the child had to come in the middle of the night, a week after due date when she was finally comfortable. And of course the girl decided to come immediately after she and Roy had fallen asleep.

Riza had always hated crying with good reason, but as a soft autumn breeze lifted the curtains in the early hours of the morning, she didn't think she'd ever heard anything so beautiful in her life. As the doctor stepped back, a small, red creature wailing in his arms, she didn't mind the blood, sweat, and tears that dripped over her as he placed the wee girl in her lap. She had to admit she was proud of her husband, who hadn't left her side once during the process though purple bags hung beneath his dark eyes. Still, she shouldn't have been surprised that labour didn't faze him. Squeamishness didn't suit the man.

Closing her soft copper eyes for a moment, Riza leaned into Mustang, her bangs glued to her forehead, shakily squeezing his hand. He bent down, kissing her hairline, and kneeled beside the bed, too exhausted to stand.

Slowly, Mustang reached out, tenderly stroking the peach fuzz on his little one's face and startling when the babe's mouth curled around his thumb. Her tiny fingers flew in the air around her wispy, raven head of hair, and her toes scrunched into the plush pink blanket that Gracia and Elicia Hughes had gifted them.

"She's beautiful, mom," said Roy, and Riza laughed weakly.

"You would say that. She looks just like her daddy."

"Her hair's like mine. But she's got her mother's face and eyes," he paused as the infant yawned, accidentally tangling herself in her covers. He smirked mildly. "And your affinity for blankets."

"She just wants to be warm. I blame that one on the flame alchemist."

Roy chuckled, his gaze softening as the mother of his child wrapped the tiny girl up and snuggled her to her chest.

A loud noise could be heard somewhere beyond the door, and both parents couldn't help but inwardly groan as Alex Armstrong's dulcet tones shook the house as he praised the radiance of birth and delighted in the emergence of such a precious angel into the world. Without a word, the doctor, (who'd been sitting quietly in a corner,) stood up. Smiling reassuringly at Roy and Riza, who nodded gratefully, he went to greet Armstrong and the others who were soon to arrive. The new parents needed a few more moments alone with their daughter.

As Riza breathed in the warm, nameless scent that always accompanies a cradle, the woman rocked to and fro, humming airily. It was the first time she'd sung in any sense of the word since childhood, but somehow, her voice was still soothingly clear. Roy rested his head in his arms on the bed beside her, closing his eyes as he fingered the fabric obscuring his little one's toes. All he knew as he drifted into a shallow sleep was that whatever his lofty aspirations had been, his entire life had been building towards this moment.

When she caught sight of his puckered mouth and pale, slackened face, Riza couldn't help but think he'd never seemed more innocent than he appeared now. Because her daughter was so small, it was easy enough to shift her grip, allowing one arm to cuddle the bundle and one arm to trail over to stroke her husband's hair. Exhausted, but knowing she wouldn't be able to rest for awhile yet, she sat alone, letting the sunlight lull her into peaceful contemplation. The baby looked more like her husband than he would admit, and she loved that, because her infant's miniature face reminded her to believe in something with that same illuminating fire that Roy's did.

She still wasn't sure if she could be a mother, but the fear flared up only briefly, then went out as a single dewdrop tear slipped along her smile lines. _You're pathetic, Riza_. Thought the biting voice in her head, but this time, the mental version of her husband's deep resonance eclipsed it. _You're going to be an incredible mother, lieutenant. You know how to love her and care for her and protect her. I know you're haunted by what you've seen and done, but the pain and sacrifice have given our sweet, tiny Amestris a free, beautiful world._

It had seemed fitting to name their daughter after their country, the country that they had fought for and almost died for in order to protect the people they loved. _Amestris. Amestris Maes._ And it had seemed just as appropriate to honor an old friend who'd loved his own daughter and defended her to his last breath, just as they would theirs.

The doctor wouldn't be able to hold the crowd much longer, Riza thought as the footsteps and echoing voices grew louder in the hall below, and as Roy startled awake following a particularly loud outburst. Achy and albeit drowsy, the father rose to his feet and reached for his baby.

Riza didn't see death when she looked at them: the long awaited loves of her life, cuddling one another. She didn't see pain, or feel the burning scars left behind by the soldier she'd been. She didn't see the ones she'd lost, or feel inconsolable guilt, because even though she remembered the past and knew it would still hurt from time to time, she understood that they were sacrifices she'd had to make. She would always be plagued by some regrets, some nightmares, but she would try to forgive herself.

What she saw was light, enveloping her family as it twinkled through the window, gleaming past the glass and filling her with warmth. What she saw was a new life, drowning out doubt, anguish, war and ruin, and purifying her with hope.

Against all odds, Roy's eyes shone with a wet sheen as he kissed the tip of Amestris' nose. Riza smiled. Maybe he wasn't so useless that way after all.

 **A/N:** Thanks again if you made it to the end. :) Hope you have a great week!


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